Blog: Intimacy in Later Life

When we think about growing older, we often focus on health, pensions, or practical concerns, but what about intimacy? As part of Age Scotland’s Research Café series, we explored this important and often overlooked topic: how intimacy changes as we age, and why it matters.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is not just about sex. It includes feelings of closeness, connection, and feeling understood. This can be with a partner, a friend, or a family member. Emotional intimacy, like sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone who truly listens, is just as important as physical touch like holding hands or a hug.

As we age, our bodies and circumstances can change. We may lose partners, take on caring roles, or face health challenges. But our need for connection does not go away. In fact, it can grow stronger.

Busting common myths

One of the biggest myths around this topic is that older adults are not interested in sex or intimacy. Research suggests that this is far from the case. Many people remain sexually active well into their 70s, 80s, and even 90s. What changes is how we express intimacy. Older people may focus less on sex and more on companionship, shared laughter, or non-sexual physical touch.

Another myth is that women lose interest in sex after menopause. While hormonal changes can affect libido, many women report greater sexual satisfaction as they age, especially when emotional closeness is present. For men, erectile dysfunction can become more common with age. However, it is not inevitable. If you, or someone you know, experiences erectile dysfunction it is worth discussing it with a healthcare professional as there are treatments available, and it may be a symptom of an underlying health issue.

Why does it matter?

Intimate relationships, whether romantic or platonic, can boost our wellbeing. They help lower stress, reduce blood pressure, and even increase life expectancy. Physical affection releases oxytocin, the “feel-good” hormone, which helps us feel safe and connected.

Sex and intimacy are a normal, healthy, and important part of later life for many people. Unfortunately, stigma and stereotypes can make older adults feel embarrassed to talk about intimacy, especially with doctors. Healthcare professionals may also assume older people are not interested in sex, so avoid the topic altogether. This may leave older people’s sexual health problems undiagnosed or untreated, for example sexually transmitted infections.

Overall, there is limited research on intimacy and sex in later life. There is particularly limited recognition and understanding of the unique experiences of LGBTQ+ older adults, people from diverse cultural backgrounds, and those living with conditions like dementia.

What could you do?

• Talk about it: With your partner, friends, or GP. While it might feel uncomfortable at first, asking questions or seeking support could be helpful.
• Stay informed: Safe sex matters at every age. STI rates are rising among older adults, so it is wise to seek advice, learn, and practice safe sex practices.
• Celebrate connection: Whether it’s a cuddle, a chat, or a shared memory, intimacy comes in many forms and is something to cherish and enjoy.